Saturday, January 11, 2014

CONTROL

Well it's about time I write a blog for the new year...considering we're 11 days in! :)

There are a few reason I haven't written anything.
1. Brent has a new opportunity at work...which is a big decision we'll have to make.
2. I haven't been half marathon training.
3. I gained holiday weight.
4. I haven't felt like I've done anything worth writing about.
5. Life has just been boring.

As we know I'm a *slight* control freak.

And right now life is kind of out of control.

Not in a bad way. Just in a way that for the next couple months life is going to get slightly more crazy.

Before y'all go and start assuming things.
It has to do with Brent's job. He still has one but the guys were presented with a great opportunity and we have to work out the kinks and make sure this is where we want to go. Which means a lot of stuff is going to go fast and crazy! And my control freak self is going to SPAZ! Because I've already started to and we just found out this week.

And when I spaz out, I start to sabotage. YES!
I start to feel bluesy. YES!
I start to feel BLAH! YES!

Which leads to self loathing thoughts.
Example: Brent was on the phone yesterday talking to a co-worker. And I thought it was he female co-worker and thought "Why is he talking to her?" "Why is she trying to take my man?" Yeah you get the picture. Seriously!? WTF Lydia!
And for the record I know Brent would never to that...let me just make that clear. And we talked about it and he said something profound to me. And feel free to virtual slap me.

Another thing that came into my head was my half marathon. "I can't do this." "There is no way you can run 13.1 miles" "You haven't been training" "You're so slow." "Why did you think you could attempt this?" "Your race is 2 months away and you just can't do it." "You're just going to hurt yourself."
This is the thought that really hurts. And so in order to gain control with this one I haven't trained. Because why try?
But it could be true. I couldn't finish it. And I could hurt myself but I won't know until I try.

And as for the holiday weight gain...I actually lost it all and then some. I'm holding steady at 183 pounds. Which means I've lost a total of 194 pounds. So why am I freaking about that one. Who knows? Something to control.

But one of the "AH HA!" moment, Brent told me was just control the things you KNOW you can. And I will take care of the rest. We'll tackle it from both ends.

Things I can control...
1. My half marathon training
2. My weight loss/maintenance
3. My Couponing
4. Healthy Cooking and Eating
5. Cleaning and maintaining the house.

Light bulb just went off. I have more control than I thought.
Time to grab the bulls by the horn and own what I can and let everything else fall where they may.

I can't believe my half is less than 2 months away! AHHHHH!! Yikes!

2 comments:

  1. You're going to kick so much butt during your first half! Good luck to you and Brent while you make those decisions. =)

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