Thursday, November 21, 2013

Fear


Sooooo this is how I've been feeling for a couple weeks. Mainly since I injured my knee beginning of the month. I know I haven't written about it but I've posted on my Facebook page.

Oh? You aren't following my blog on Facebook...for shame! Here is the link, The 218lb Elephant on Facebook.
Shameless self promotion in 3...2...1...
Now go click the link and like my awesome page! :)

Anyways I did injury/overworked my knee and haven't ran since then. Why? I didn't know until earlier this week.

FEAR.

Straight up honest to goodness fear. Fear of hurting myself, fear of my half marathon, fear of actually following through with something, fear of NOT following through with something, fear of myself, fear of the unknown, fear of everything.

You may be wondering...Lydia you get scared?
My answer is...HELL YEAH!!! I'm a big chicken sometimes...lately most of the time.

Lately I've just been a bump on a log. Just staying inside and cleaning or finding something else that "NEEDS" to be done. Or at least I try to justify it needing to be done in my head.

But then when I was cleaning the house Tuesday...instead of going on my run as usual...it dawned on me I was scared.
WTF?!
How did I NOT see this one? That could explain why I've been stuffing my face, eating poor unhealthy foods, eating foods I KNOW will make me feel like crap just to get out of not training for my half. See it's a twisted road I was going down. Kind of dark and scary. But Tuesday...something clicked.

The FEAR monster struck. I scared myself down that dark scary road because it was easier to handle than actually taking care of myself. Twisted...yes. Logically...far from it. But that's what the mind does.

I've been full of excuses and fear. Well NO MAS!

I've regained control of my thinking. I'm still not out of the woods yet but I can see a light...hope...awesomeness...everything positive...everything I've been working so hard for. So I just have to turn around and start walking. And that is what I'm doing this morning. Once the sun greets us this morning...I'll be putting one foot in front of the other. Slow and steady wins this race.
Okay seriously...no pun intend on that one.

For the record I wasn't depressed just not on my "A" game...more like my "C" game. Good enough to pass but not my best. But I'm back and going to get back to what I know works. Eating good home cooking meals, exercising/running again, and just plain focused...eye on the prize.

Part of the reason I think I injured myself was over working and not cross training. During my mental walk on the dark side, I some how managed to print off Hal Higdon half marathon schedule. I don't know who he is but I hear his schedule is really good and easy to follow. And if you know me, I'm all about easy peasy, lemon squeezey! Then I went to Wal-Mart and got a white board calendar and wrote my days in, along with out dinners. Because if I want us to be healthy...since I'm resident chef...I need to plan our dinners.
Nice protein and veggie fueled meals.
Tonight's menu is salads: a nice shrimp for the boy and tuna for me...on a bed of spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, and cheese.

Here is my calendar! :)

As far as cross training, I'm heading back to the gym a couple times a week. Tomorrow, Friday, I'm starting Combat back up and Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday will be Pump. I enjoyed the strong feeling and good sweat those classes gave me!
Along with my cross country workout buddy, CB. Well not really cross country more like Texas! LOL! We're going to text each other and cyberly kick each other's ass...if needed. Or if need be travel to said location and do it psychically.

And the Johnston's are starting to COUPON!!! We figured after talking about the future, things could get a little expensive and we best start saving now. Plus Brent got 8 new stops on his route which is going to help us save...because we're wanting a house and mama wants a new car! LOL! So a saving we shall do!

But that is the update and I promise it won't take so long for another update...well I hope it won't! ;)

Xoxo

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