Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Real Talk

So I need to come clean. I suck! My weight loss is like down the crapper. And I'm like whatever. That was my attitude during the weekend. Here is the break down of last week.

I deleted my old Weight Watcher online account, because I'm anal and I'm married and I wanted my new last name all up in my new Weight Watcher future. So I was all pumped and excited for that change. Because I was like this is a fresh start. New beginning. I don't feel as if I had the old weight loss/program hanging over my head. It was honestly I felt as some mental block. I kept hitting that wall. But I fixed that...I was like a new start with Weight Watcher as Lydia Johnston. AWESOME...Rock on!

Also I don't know if y'all remember talking about taking Healthy Trim, but I've decided not to take that anymore. It just wasn't the avenue I wanted to take and I got straight of sick feeling when I was taking it. So its just me and my healthy food...and the support of all of y'all. No pills, no surgery, just me. And I'm very happy with that decision.

Then will the old habits started to creep in. Well hubby has been training and working some crazy insane hours and now we eat uber early. Like 4:30 eating earlier because he goes to bed at like 6:30ish. Then I didn't get off until 4:00 or 4:30. No time to cook. So we ate out everyday...let my emphasis that...E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y. Then I forgot my lunch...dumbass. So I was forced to eat out. I was held a gunpoint and made to eat Wendy's, Moe's, or whatever fattening food I could find in the deli. Really Lydia? On top of that PMSing. So my gain was a combo of UBER poor food choices and PMS. BUT that is just excuses. What I hear is excuse, excuse, excuse. Well NO MORE! Because I had a BRILLIANT epiphany on Sunday/Monday.

I realized that i need to pack my lunch! HAHAHA! And I need to start drinking water. My soda intake has picked up like WHOA! So I've been doing this challenge on Twitter called the #100ozchallenge. You just "log" your water intake. Super easy! DUH! And then I see all my twitter friends being successful, whether is a NSV or SV, and I'm like super proud and secretly jealous because I want that! So hello my epiphany said, go get it! Then on top of it...I signed up for my first 10k walk/run for the year. I need to start working toward that goal. And than my last super personal goal is to have my wedding ring set fit...again. i think that would be alot to me and Brent. :) Yay me!

So its Wednesday and I've had 2 days of successful water intake, paying meticulous attention to labels again, super health snacks and lunches for the week and dinners. On top of it all Hubby is getting a new route and doesn't have to go in at the ass crack up dawn, and work a bajillion hours. So I can actually cook! SWEET! And I think I top of all that the possibility of being a real life blogger for www.priorfatgirl.com has me super stoked. To understand read "Knock Knock"!

I feel as if everything is lining back up and getting back into a routine. Because I tell I love a routine! lol :)

Until next blog! :)

Knock, Knock!

Who's there?
Opportunity!

OMG! I have got some news for y'all! HEY NOW!!! I just self notimated myself to be a blogger on a REAL website!! YAY!!! OMG!!!!!
Here are the details:
http://networkedblogs.com/uzz8U
It's for a spot on www.priorfatgirl.com and they want to expand their family to have someone who is starting on their jounrey or close to it. UMMMM HELLO! Who is a better choice none other than...ME!! :) So if/when I get make it to the second round...there will be a voted of priorfatgirl readers. And of course I have y'alls, my faithfully readers, votes...right?!? :) And if I don't...I'll make you! :) J/K...sort of! ;)

I'm sooooo excited...I'm busting from the seams with excitement!! This could be the A.) Kick in the ass I need, B.) A good thing for my blogging/book career, and C.) It'll be an all around awesome experience!!! Yay for being AWESOME!!!! :)

Here is my email entry:


"Hey Jen,
I just want to self nominate myself. Here alittle bit about my story.
My name is Lydia Johnston, and well I'm a fat girl. I've always been a fat girl. I never thought of myself as anything more than the funny fat girl. I use my fat a shield to protect myself from mean people...but in the process slowly killing myself. Not the best idea in the grand scheme of things!
Like most people my journey has been a yo-yo. Lose some, gain some more, lose some more, and gain a whole lot more. And its the vicious cycle we all go through; however my journey changed about 5 years ago when I joined Weight Watchers with my mom. We joined because she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and thought to myself, I'll be damned if I'm getting diabetes my ass is doing something about this right now. And we did. I lost 103 pounds over the course of a year and half. My mom lost 50 pounds. Super proud of her...yay mom! Around the 85 pounds mark, the boys started to notice my weight loss and I was uber confident...still am...but back then I thought I was one bad ass mofo. So I begin dating this guy, who I thought was going to marry and was so madly in love with. *rolls eyes* That was suppose to be sarcastic but I know when typing it doesn't come across. :) So long story short my "prince" turned into a totally douchebag, He actually shook me to my core with his mental and emotional abuse. Which then began my decent into the depression tornado.
After I picked up myself and dusted off my ego, I ended up moving out on my own...in a new city...by myself...first time EVER in my 24 years of life. The first time where I actually had bills in my name, actually had roommates, and actually started to experience REAL growing pains. At that point in my journey I was still down 85-95 pounds, but October 2008 I reached one of my personal goal during my journey by losing 100 pounds. I was on cloud nine, I actually did it. ME all by myself, no one else but me!
Then shit started to hit the fan in my life. I had crappy roommates times 2, my job was crappy. I started to sink further into my depression. I actually thought about killing myself...it got that bad for me. It was one bad thing on top of another on top of another...etc. And I couldn't handle after about a year and half. Finally my BFF and then BF (now husband) got me the help I needed. I found out I had a case of situation depression. I took the necessary help and I bounced back from it to start kicking ass again.
Needless to say during that time my weight crept back on. But I was okay with it in the beginning because I needed to fix my mental state first. But 2 years later I'm back at my highest ever.
But I will say during that time, I got married (June, 11, 2011). So the stress of planning a wedding on top of coming out my depression; my weight has decided to come back and stay awhile.
So that's my story.
Where I'm at now. I'm a wife. I have a wonderful and loving husband. We went to start a family but my weight has got to go first. My goal is 218 pounds. We already have 2 wonderful furbabies. Actually when I reach goal I want to work for a gym and/or Weight Watchers. I am doing Weight Watchers. I know the program works I've had major success on it before. I have full time job. I have 218 pounds I want to lose for my health. I'm 28.
I think I can relate to most woman, I'm brutally honest with myself...to much sometimes. And I know you'll probably get a lot of responses but whether or not I get picked I'm still going to be losing weight and blogging because its what I love to do and its what I'm meant to do with my life.
I've attached my picture...if you need me to I'll crop out my handsome hubby! :)






Thanks for reading.
Sincerely
Lydia Johnston
Soon to be Part of the PriorFatGirl Family! ;) (No pressure)"

Friday, February 17, 2012

Action Figure Lydia

Let me set the scene for this blog.

Wednesday night around, 7:30 pm. Must drove to work for a second to place an order. But realize I need gas. So I pull into local gas at the corner of my street.
Imagine this...I honestly probably dress gross so this crap doesn't happen.
I was wearing my basketball shorts, that go past my knee. and a black shirt, my dirty hair in a ball on top of my head. Not what you would want to be picking up or let alone talking to...

Now on with the blog...

I pull in to my usual gas station, but the Hubster is at home because he is going to bed. He has to get up super early now. So I'm flying solo and roll into the gas station find my pump in the front, near the door. Just in case someone sketchy comes along. I get out of my car, pay at the pump, and begin to put gas into my car.

Then all of a sudden a stupid moron in a white chevy truck, decides he wants to talk to me...

My face -


And if you know this is pretty much the reaction he got.

Now here is are conversation. Yes he wanted to talk to me, I'll type what he wanted to talk about (out of wanting to kill me...probably), the few words i said but I'm going to also give you my thought inside my head...that's were it gets funny.

Moron: I don't want to waste your time but...
My Thought: Then don't...
My Actual Words: Ummmm okay.

Moron: I don't know if you're from here...
My Thought: I'm not now...
My Actual Words: Nope just passing through.

Moron: I don't know if you know where John's Island is...
My Thoughts: I do but you're not founding that shit out...Just to let you know I'm married, husband will track your ass down, my mom is nucking futs, my father-in-law is an ex-navy man along with my dad. I know Italians that may or may not have mob relations.
My Actual Words: *shrugs* no

Moron: I just need gas to get to John's island and its a long story...
My Thoughts: OH shit...seriously...I don't give a flying fuck about your life. Who the hell comes to a gas station and does this shit?! Apparently you.
My Actual Words: ummmm Okay

Moron: I need 5 bucks to gas.
My Thoughts: IF I had 5 bucks: A.) You wouldn't get it. B.) I'm not going anywhere near your creepy truck or your dumbass to give you 5 bucks. C.) okay you can go now.
My Actual Words: Nope, I got paid and already broke.

Moron: *stumbles over words* Well alright (and he drives off)
My Actual Words: About fucking time. *looking around to make sure I'm not going to be redneck ambushed*

So I stop pumping gas, quickly get in my car and call Brent. And tell him I'm never pumping gas alone. LOL!

But then of course my mind begins to play around with what would have happened if he tried something. Then that's when if dawned on me...I need to get fit and become an action figure. Kick Ass Lydia would be the name. I think its fitting in several ways.

But the moron drove to another gas station to get gas and I hit the highway like I was going out of town! LOL! :) I'm fine, I just wanted to let you know I'm going to become an action figure and wanted to share a random event.

I'm outtie!
Bayverse OP facepalm Pictures, Images and Photos

Weigh In 2/14/2012

The Weight Watchers gods were far to kind to me this past week. As mentioned before the insanity of Valentine's week took its toll on me, and eating "right" or choosing healthier options was non existent.

Do I regret my choices? Hell no!
I knew that week was going to be ape-shit-crazy, but I also knew this week I'm on vacay and getting back to the basic and back on track!

So let me not keep you in suspense anymore.

Weigh in 1/29/12 - 360.3
Weigh in 2/7/12 - 357
Weigh in 2/14/12 - 358.6

Yes a gain but considering the stress and what I ate, I'll take it. Its a gain, of course I wanted a loss, but I will walk away quickly just in case the Weight Watcher gods change their mind.

Agenda this week, get back to cooking, NOW I'm going to become besties with a guy name Gym. I'm cleaning out my garage with family, that's exercising right? lol :) Speaking of cooking probably should go grocery shopping since Hubster was home alone for supper a couple nights! lol Need to restock! :)

This week I'm back on track committing myself to WW 110%.

Lydia, Do you take Weight Watchers to be your lawful wedded healthy lifestyle.
I do!
Lydia, Do you take H2O to be the your drink of choice?
I do!
Lydia, Do you promise not to leave Gym behind?
I do, I do, I do!
Lydia, Do you promise to be keep being awesome?
Duh!

Signing out! LJ

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Weigh In 2/7/2012

First of all I want to thank all of y'all for the love and support, in reference to my last blog! That means alot to me!! I just sometimes get wrapped in my own head and forget I have people that love me and are going to support me! And bonus I have a whole twitter account with people going through the same thing!!!! OMG! :) Thanks!!

On to the topic the blog!

Last week numbers:
Weigh in 1/29/12 - 360.3
Weigh in 2/7/12 - 357

Now if I did my math correct...that's a 3.3 LOSS!!! Booo yaaaahhh!! I lost and I know this sound corny but I feel super awesome! Like I can conquer anything! Sweeeet, I haven't felt like that in a loooooong time...pertaining the my weight that is!

So that week is behind me, now its time to make it a trend! Word.
But I'm alittle nervous about this week coming up because its Valentine's and I'm not going to want to cook. So frozen meals, cereal, and take out are on the meal plan. I just need to make smarter choice...duh! but when one is working 10-12 hr days...food and what I choose to eat, is the last thing on my mind. I just want something in my belly and i want it like yesterday! lol but i have to figure out a way to balance things out because this clearly will be a yearly thing. so if i want to succeed, i need to find a balance.

My goal for this week, not to gain and to find a balance.

There is however light at the end of this tunnel. I'll be on vacay, or staycation, so I'll be kicking it into high gear!
Eating right - check
Gym - double check check
Cooking - check
Being awesome - duh! check!

So needless to say I'm going to be MIA from facebook, blogging, twitter, and more than likely everything until 2/15. Yes I'll be alive but functional seriously doubt! :)

Have a great week and happy counting! LJ

Thursday, February 2, 2012

I've Awaken a Sleeping Elephant

Its time to be honest with myself.

As y'all know I'm battling the bulge. I've set goals and I've set my mind on the final results and what I'm going to do and blah blah blah...
But that's the problem. I'm not getting there. I've maintained...I've gained...I've done everything but lose. The Hubster made a comment the other day, after several minutes of me bitching, crying, and whining about my weight loss, he said maybe Weight Watcher isn't the program right now. I was like What?! I've been doing Weight Watchers on and off for 5 years this May. I know the program works, i had mucho success on the program. Its not the program...its...ME....

I'm in a different place from where I was when I first started.
May 2007 - Living with Mom and Dad. Working just to pay a car payment. Sort of helped with cooking. Dad was OCD about cleaning. The only thing I literally did was lose weight. I had no boyfriend, I had my BFF, who's house was close enough I walked to it. I can NOT stress that I just worked and lost weight!
Fast forward to February 2012 - Alot has transpired since May 2007. I was in a "relationshit" early 2008, that ended horribly wrong, I moved from my hometown to be out on my own in a new city, where I knew one person. So I was responsible for a roof over my head, food, everything. I actually got a huge wake up call. I had major drama roommates, work, the crappy jobs, depression reared its ugly head. Through all the insanity, I got into a very good relationship, which led to marriage, so the stress of planning a wedding. My job, as mentioned before I'm a florist. I'm retail worker. Which means my hours are shit! lol

But I survived it. I'm hear in front up you my highest weight that I've known.
So I've debated whether or not to post my numbers...because that's a really personal thing but in order for me to be honest with myself, I feel that it will help me. A release, like I'm letting go of my past my security...my wall.

I use my weight as a shield. A barrier...of...fat... Its clearly a mental thing. I figure in some sort of twisted reality that if you don't like me...its because I'm fat. Because honestly I don't know why people wouldn't like me! Its baffles me to this day! :) But in my weird reality, that's what happens when things hit the fan! I retreated into my old habits of using food as a comfort...a crutch. Because when shit its the fan...food is there for me. When I'm stressed, "hey food what's up". When I'm sad, "food no one like me." When I'm happy, "hey food did you see that!!!!" When I'm bored, "OMG food, I can't believe that happened on *insert TV show*".

So food is a crutch. And I LOOOOOVE food. I honestly feel its an addiction. And unfortunately I need my addiction to stay alive. But I'm here today confessing this. And I have decided to post my numbers because from here on out its all about being honest.

Starting weight as 1/29/12 - 360.3

oooh I'm nervous posting that makes it real.
But I won't be that weight again. And if you feel like being a hater and judging me. Then stop reading, delete me from whatever list I'm on of yours. Because I'm to old for that bullshit. I'm at a point in my life where I like surrounding myself with positive people! Word!

From this point on I'll be posting my numbers, so to keep it real and so it can be changed!

And I've decided to get alittle help...a jump start...I'm going to be trying Healthy Trim, along with Weight Watchers. Its an appetite suppressant. But once the spring time flower business slows down...then I'll be back to just Weight Watchers and me!

Well there is this blog! Enjoy. A small peek into my mind as always!

Much love! LJ

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I Can See My Future

And my name is in lights!

I'm getting a taste of what my life is shaping up to be. I'm off today and I'm actually blogging and getting motivated to carry out the rest of the week! I could get use to this life.:)
Boy do I have ALOT to spill about.

The reason I mention blogging and being home, is because I have a dream/desire to be a writer. I'll have a book on the New York Times, I'll travel the country and sign books and be inspiring. :) I bet you are wondering what I shall write about...
My weight loss journey.
Its been and will continue to be an experience. I've lost 103 pounds with Weight Watchers back in 2007, before life decided to get alittle ape shit ca-razy!! But things have soooo settled and have passed. Now I'm just working and battling the bulge. So I can really focus on my craft, my dream, my purpose in life.

Hence the title of my blog and twitter, "The 218 lb Elephant". I've always felt that I've been "A pretty fat". Oh you know when people say "You have such a pretty face...if you just loss some weight", really? So I've always known I've been fat but it was, "like the elephant in the room", it wasn't talked about. And 218 pounds is the weight I have/want to lose to be considered at goal weight.

So there is description of my name if any of y'all were wondering.
Again I'm getting off course...the joys of an ADD writer! :oP

As I mentioned before my dream is actually coming true soon. Because my loving and wonderful dear Husband got a new job, making more money, less stress, and all around a better well being for him! YAY!!! Hubster I love you muches and so proud of you!
He mentioned because he knows this is a huge dream of mine, that at one point once things are paid off and we have money in savings. He suggested I just take time off to focus on losing weight and writing and he'll take care of the rest. Now ladies, ain't that a keeper!? :)

So that means gym time, more cooking time, more time to kick ass!!! I'm so excited. Then I'll be less stressed because we won't be depending on my money, we can just save it!
That is a current plan but of course things can change.

I'm moving to another blog to discuss my weight loss! :)