So my scale update is I'm down .5 lbs. Its a loss and in this game you take all the losses you can get. I didn't exactly follow the plan like it's suppose to be done last week. And this week isn't shaping up to be good either! Why don't I seem to be focused? I really really really REALLY want to get back to where i was and lower but I feel like I'm holding myself back. What do I have to lose? Why am I holding myself back? Why am I sabotaging myself? AH-HA! That "wonderful" word sabotage! It seems to be a recurring theme. According to Webster, sabotage is an act or process tending to hamper or hurt. Well if its sooooo negative, than why do we do it...aka why do I do it!?
I think its because I'm hiding and surrounding myself in my fat. But from what? I have a fabulous marriage, decent job, great friends and family. So whats the deal-io. I have nothing to hide from except myself. But dude when I lost the weight the first time; damn, I was like this but 10 times more awesome...as if that was possible. :) But since the depression, 2 years ago! HELLO, Lydia get the fuck over it and stop blaming shit on that. Expiriation on that HAS expiried! So I'm just being lazy fucker. Why then. Don't I want to be healthy? Yes. Don't I want to be fit for the babies I'll be carrying? Yes. Don't I want to live and drive Brent crazy way into our old age? Hell yes I do! So why am I not working the program? Why am I looking for an easy way out...example the pills. I know it takes hard work and dedication but seriously come on. UGH So this is my final thought for this passage. Until next time! <3 LJ