Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Part 4 of Back to the Beginning

So I almost have y'all caught up! Thanks for bearing with me! Hopefully its not to much to soon! :)

June 3, 2008
Dang! I gained 1.2!! UGH! I know what it was. It was that stupid "break up" or lack of one I should say. So I did alot of emotional eating. UGH! Well I would go without eating because I wasn't hungry but then I would binge because everything would get to me. Damn this emotional rollercoaster!! Screw boys. I'll be DAMNED if anyone else is going to screw with my success on Weight Watchers. Screw that...I've come to far to go back!!! I just have to work on my emotional eating crap...how does one stop that? Ugh! LOL! But its all good. I'm soooooooo ready for next week!! Let's roll. Let's kick some ass and take some names!! Stand in my way I'll run your ass over. I'm so much better than I was last week. This girl can bounce back. I figure life is to short to dwell on the negative things it throws at you! Things are going to hit the fan its what you do after they hit the fan that makes you who you are. And I'm fabulous! :)
Hey bright side I've still lost 91.4 pounds! Wow that is alot!! That is really alot. Holy crap! So I'm 8.6 pounds away from 100. Wow. That is awesome but kind of scary but in a good way. I'm super excited to see what is going to happen after I reach my 100 pound goal.
Wow 8.8 from 100. Wow. Plus when I reach my goal weight he is going to be SOOOOOOOOOOO sorry. I'm going to be even more of a babe. WOW!! LMAO!!!! Poor boy! LOL!! ;)
June 10, 2008
I'm really just plain embrassed to write this weeks blog. I had a gain and boy was it a nice big gain. I gained 5.2 pounds...in a week. Scary. Not good. Oh no! But my total is 86.2. Yeah I think I already 86...okay this is the last time I'm staying in the 80s. I know what I did. I didn't get my water, I ate out WAY to much and just ordered not exactly the best choices, and clearly didn't exercise. Didn't plan anything! But crap happens...I'm not making excuses, I'm just going to correct this misfortune.
I think when I move to Charleston I'm going to try a different day for my meeting. I want a try a Friday or Saturday meeting. Because the weekends get me. I don't know why but they do. I'll just have to work on that.
Operation Lose 13.8 Pounds Before Leaving:
WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN!!!!!!!! The good, the bad, and the ugly.
E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its not a want, its a have to. You did it before and you are going to do it again. You're going to get whipped into shape. This 86.2 pounds didn't come off overnight...it took HARD WORK! Get that mojo back, Lydia.
3. Avoid drive thrus and alcohol at all cost for the next few weeks. I clearly lost all control and I need to regain control again...at whatever cost.
4. Look for new recipes to cook. Yes I got bored. I resorted back to bad habits. No more!
5. Look for another outlet for dealing with your emotions...
NO MORE EMOTIONAL EATING!!!!!!!!!! That HAS got to quit. Exercise, chew gum, write, DO SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN EATING!!!!!!!!! Control that nasty monster. Food is just going to make it worse for you!
Dang! Okay I was just talking to myself.
Plus Debbie and Jen inspired me to want to loss weight again with their AWESOME loss this week!!! Yay y'all!! :) I want a loss for next week and I'm going to get it...come hell or high water!!!!!
June 17, 2008
Well I got a lost and its 1 pound. I'll take it. Hey a loss is a loss. Total right now is 87.2 I need to recycle 5 more pounds to get to where I was at. I'm just really getting fusturated with myself. I'm not doing well and I know what I should be doing but I'm not doing it and its really pissing me off. I don't know what my issue is. Maybe I'm scared to just do it...become who I'm suppose to be. Does that make any sense? Beause I've been fat all my life...I don't know anything else. I've used my fat as a sheild to protect myself from people and words. I've hidden behind my fat and I don't want to anymore though. I want to get to my goal weight and be the babe I know I am. Hell fire look at my pictures! LOL! I have it in me...I just some how need to reprogram my brain. Damn brain! LOL! Why do you have to complicate things! LMAO! So how does one go about relearning things. Trial and error my friends.
So recap I'm tired of sabotaging myself. I'm tired of being where I'm at I want to see whats past 92 pounds. I want to feel healthy again!! I want it all and I'm going to work my ass off. I know I said that last week and week before but this time I mean it. You can count it.
I, Lydia, swear to write all my food down and get back to exercising. And NOT to use my flex points. I am going to get to my goal weight.
June 24, 2008
Okay I gained 1.4 or something like that. I've lost 85.8 total.
Yeah I was PISSED! I wanted to punch that scale! But then I got to thinking the only thing I should want to punch is myself. Yeah. I deserved. I was in denial about my eating. I thought I didn't have a problem but apparently I do. I've started my torrid and deadly relationship with fast food/drive thru again. I thought I put this nasty relationship behind me but I guess I didn't. Although I did exercise! Bonus points there! With being on the road between here and my new home I hit the drive thru...alot. Although I did write my food down I still made poor choices. Yeah I am just pissed with myself that I've let things slip and get so out of hand! And so I HAVE to go back to basics for my health. I need to do this. I've hit the point where I have to make smarter choices and exercise or the weight isn't going to come off. I just realized that! So off to analyze this past week and next week to improve my health. So yeah. WHAT! Let's roll!
July 1, 2008
We all know its Tuesday and we all know I gained again. Shocker. Seems to be a nasty trend. I gained 2.8. I've still lost 83 pounds! But I went back to my regular 7:00 pm meeting and before I was going to the morning one. So that probably had something to do with it. And the fact I went to the beach this past weekend. I was okay eating wise but I could have done better. I was doing so good last year but then something happened. I think I started to "cheat" alittle and then that little "cheating" turned into big "cheating". And brings me today.
Okay I went to my last meeting here in Sumter. So now I have to find one is Charleston. And get to my goal weight. Come hell or high water. I just feel like I've lost my motivation. I don't know whats up. I really don't. I think Weight Watchers and my health have taken a back burner to the rest of whats going on in my life. It started with the "break up" (which I'm so over) and then the move is just consuming a chunk of my life right now. I've been derailed! LOL!
But with that being said there was someone in my meeting that has lost 101 pounds! I was like WHAT?! Wow thats awesome. Heck if she can do this so can I! It took her about 13 months. And I got to speak with her after the meeting and was like what are you doing? And she was like points and when I get hungry fruits and veggies. I was like ooooooooh. DUH! What the hell thats what I was doing last year and crap! Somewhere between now and around Christmas my motivation was just like I'm good...I'm chillin! I'm like oh no! So I have a new goal! 100 pounds total gone by my birthday! Thats 17 pounds in a month. Wow lets go! Anyone else want to participant in this mini challenge...you're more than welcome to. Heck while we're at it we should set a friendly bet. ;) Any takers? Just message me.
And my mom went to a early meeting a few weeks ago and said the leader said "Move More plus Eat Less equals Goalville." Hello a light bulb went off in my head!!! So thats my plan for attack!! I had it reversed! I also forgot how bad I want to be healthy!!
July 9, 2008
So I have found my new meeting in Charleston! And I LOVE the leader! Her name is Cindy and she is this adorable 30 something and is just as spunky as can be!!! She rocks! And the people there are FUNNY!! So I think its going to work out well! I'm super pumped!! I'll be weighing in on Wednesday from now on.
But on the real reason you are here! I am surprised and relieved to say that I lost 3.2 pounds for a total of 86.2!!!! I honestly didn't think I was going to do well because of moving and eating on the road but I guess moving my crap and working up a sweat helped. And the fact I went square dancing last night!! LMAO!!! I'm going to write a blog about that adventure! But I'm back on track! Finally thank goodness! Bonus roommates are super supportive of WW. So thats helps alot!! So until next Wednesday! :)
July 16, 2008
Why is my body doing this gain lose thing? I gained .8! Yeah its .8 but I'm getting just plan fustrated though. Bonus though I've gotten back into exercising. So I just need to take baby steps getting back to the wagon. I have been swirling out of control. And again I don't know why! Lately I've had all these questions about life and none of them have answers!! This is just another!! WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! :)
So in order to fix my mental block I stayed after my meeting and took a crash course in the intro class. It was good. It knocked some sense into me. What I have/had been doing was not writing my food down and eating 4 meals a day. Before I would 3 meals and a snack. So instead of a snack I did a meal and I don't know why. I really think I've scared to let my fat down. I've had it as a guard for so long and I don't know what to do to get around that. Because once my fat goes I'm not going to have anything to "hide" behind. But then I don't know why I'm hiding or what I'm hiding from. Dang this is crazy...who knew losing weight would open Pandora's Box! I really have got to figure out what is holding me back. So I can get over this shit. I was doing so well and now I've hit this wall and I'm tired of hitting this wall and its the same damn wall!!! UGH!!!
July 23, 2008
Well its Wednesday and I gained. I swear. I gained 1.2 pounds and my total is 84.2! UGH! I thought I did really well...considering I didn't write anything down and I had a family reunion Monday and Tuesday. But then I have my monthly visitor! Yay! Joyful bliss. But I must say that I am extremely proud of myself for maintaining where I'm at for the most part. So when I get to my goal weight I will have had practice in maintaining. So bonus!
Speaking of writing everything down. I've seriously have gotten out of that habit. I don't know when it started but I've found out writing my food down really does help. It holds my ass accountable. So I HAVE got to get back into that...so maybe I'll reward myself each day I do it...with a NON food reward. Exercise has pretty much picked up since I've started working. I'm walking all over the store. Holy crap! LMAO! So I'm just alittle bummed about my gain but I can sort of thank Mother Nature. ;) So my new goal is to get my 100 by Labor Day Weekend. And my everyday goal is writing my foods down.
And at the family reunion is was really good seeing everyone. Especially my mom, dad, and brother. Then I was able to hang with my super cool cousin from New York and his girlfriend...but I'll write a blog about that later! Its awesome! :) Well I'm going to finish getting ready for work.
July 30, 2008
I owned that scale today!!! Can we say 6.8 pounds gone!?! Which brings my total to 91 pounds gone F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!!!! Oh my gosh!! Finally and I repeat FINALLY my ass is back on track!!! Who knew writing everything down worked?!?! WHAT! Yeah I wrote EVERYTHING and I mean E-V-E-R-T-H-I-N-G down!!!! I'm back in control and I like it. I'm 9 pounds from 100! I think...I mean I KNOW I'm going to get my Labor Day Goal! Word!!
Wow. I guess every since my breakdown, the family reunion, and my uncle's death...my life has seemed to fall back into place. I think talking with my cousin's girlfriend and my uncle's death, I want nothing more than to get to my goal and I will not stop until I get there. I'm back on the wagon and I'm driving this thing to Goalsville!! Yeah I'm going to fall off again and get lost but I know that I will find my way and get back on because I always do. :) And you can too!! :) Well have a rockin week!! See ya next Wednesday! :)
August 6, 2008
I lost 1 pound! Total 92 pounds that I will never see again!! I'm happy with it considering it was my birthday. But I did much better on my birthday this year than I did last year. So all and all I'm happy with my 1 pound. And I'm almost where I'm at before I hit my rough patch in this journey. So I'm .6 away from my highest loss. Cool. I'm feel good. Nothing to exciting went on just my birthday which I controlled fine. :) Until next week. Love y'all.
August 13, 2008
WHOA! This week I lost 2.8!!! For a fabulous total of 94.8!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! Wow. I'm totally getting my star next week!! Wow I'm 5.2 from 100 pounds being gone forever! You guys have no idea how stoked I am! 100 is my half way mark. And to be that close to it. WHOA!!! So that means I have to 2.6 pounds the next two weeks to get to my goal for Labor Day!! WOW! I can totally do that. Piece of celery...LOL! Instead of cake! I'm so funny. I totally stole that from my friend David! :) Wow.
This week I was hardcore craving some salad. Which is good. Its funny I've noticed lately that I've been craving alot of healthy things. Which is GREAT. I think maybe I'm finally knocking out this fat wall mental block. Ever since I wrote that blog I've been in a different mind set. I feel like I can take on the world again. I haven't felt like that in awhile. Now I just need some new salad ideas. I've been totally taking my supper to work...one because I'm determined as a mofo to get to goal weight and also because I'm poor. But its all good. Being poor ROCKS!!! :) LMAO! Anyways I'm off to another week of kick ass and taking names. Who is awesome!? ME! And of course you!! :) Remember keep your head up and keep on counting!! :)
August 26, 2008
Okay. Seeing how I hadn't weighed in for 2 weeks almost. I think my gain of 2.4 isn't so bad. Yeah its a gain but they happen and I know what I did. I did really well up until Friday night and Saturday night. I realize that I NEED to weigh in. I need to restart my week. I don't need to weigh in just for accountablility (sp?) but I need to weigh in and get back my focus.
So like I said I was doing well up until Friday and Saturday night when the I realized somethings about my life that I couldn't control...or thought I couldn't control. So I drank myself in oblivion Saturday night...I mean I got shitfaced...hardcore. The only other time I got that bad was after the break up. But I got tore up!!! And Friday I drank a good bit because I had some friends come in from out of town. So of course let's eat and drink. Its cool I'm over it. Its a brand new week and my Weight Watcher battery is recharged and ready to go. So yeah I learned I NEED to weigh in once a week. And there is no reason I can't down here because there is like a bajillion different meetings!! So yeah I'm so ready to kick ass this week. 100 pounds here I come...ready or not!! :) Oh and Tuesdays are hopefully my new days! If work keeps my schedule straight! Have to love the randomness of retail! Anyways and that problem I thought I couldn't fix...well once I sat down and finally thought about it...its totally fixable!! I of course jumped the gun! Shocker! :op
September 2, 2008
Wow...what happen to the summer? I can't believe its September and what a summer I had. Whoa! I'm ready for things to hopefully simmer down and I can regain my focus once again. And I think its a fine time to start because I lost 3.4 pounds for a total of 95.8!!!!! WHAT!?!?! I'm 4.2 pounds from my 100 pound goal, my half way mark! WOW! And by the end of the year I want to be 125 pounds lighter. I think thats a nice reasonable goal. That would be my 4th 10%.
That's what we talked about in our meeting was goals for the summer and did we reach them. I didn't reach my weight loss goal I reached another infamous goal of mine...getting out of Sumter. So I can't complain about the summer...it was awesome. But I'm ready for things to mellow out and for me to get refocused on my weigh loss goal so I can kick fat to the curb. :)
And honestly this going to be REALLY sickening but I don't know how I made out like a bandit with this loss. I'm super surprised. I was just going to be happy with a maintain. But a 3.4 pound loss. I'm not sure what I did but I'll totally take it and run. I can't believe I've lost 95.8 pounds. I lost Elizabeth's daughter. I use to carry her around...all the time. OH! And I work I picked up a 40 pound bad of dog food and was like I got this...talking to a co-worker. And as I was carrying the bag it dawned on me that I use to carry that 40 pounds around and it was doubled. And I'm like holy crap how did I do this for so long.
AND! My parents came into town last night and we hung out for alittle bit...it was so nice to see them! But my mom and I went shopping for work clothes for me. And we went to Lane Bryant and I can now wear an 18/20 in shirts and a 24 in pants. WHAT! Thats so AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! And I have a bra that fits me properly. Anyways thats my weekly update and I'll catch y'all next Tuesday.
September 9, 2008
So I'm down 1.2 for a total of 97 pounds gone forever. WHAT WHAT!!! I'm 3 pounds away from 100 pounds. WHOA! This is very surreal for me. 97 pounds. Wow. I can't even put into words how excited I am. Oh my gosh! ***DOES A HAPPY DANCE***
Wow. With that being said. I went to church Sunday and was all excited to be there and spiritually connected again. And then this lady who was going to hem up some pants for me asked me when I was going to bring them by and I was I put them in a bag for Goodwill because they are to big. I was like AWESOME! She was like thats good, yeah throw them out because you don't want to put back all that weight back on. I was like no. Then I got to thinking I've worked my ass off to get 97 pounds off...why of God's green earth am I going to put it back on? Why do people say those things? I'm sure she didn't mean it like that but dang it. People come on...seriously?!?! I'm not ever putting this weight back on. The only reason weight will come back on is when I have kids. But then its coming back off...asap. But seriously people need to get off my ass and just let me do my thing. Its worked for a year and some change. So back off! :) Let me do my thing. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
September 16, 2008
I lost .8 pounds. So that bring my total to 97.8. I'm pretty happy with that. I can't complain. I'm 2.2 for 100 pounds. I'm actually getting really nervous for my 100 goal. I don't know why. I'm mean I'm extremely happy also but that would be 100 pounds I've lost. That I've just been slowly chipping way at it for 17 months and to have it so close is really just WHOA! I mean its obtainable. I have thought I could do it but the fact its here outside my door. And the fact I've come soooooooooo far. I'm the not the same girl I was 17 months ago. In fact I'm a woman now. I don't look like that girl physically and I'm not that girl mentally. I've just come so far with who I am and what I want. I'm extremely proud of my progress and I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. I have my life back and thats the best gift ever. Wow...I'm just really in a state of whoa its here. I'm getting it next week. I'm writing every single thing that goes in my mouth and exercising all week. Its on. I'm ready for the next 100 pounds to come off now. I'm ready to see what I'm going to look like and especially ready for all the fabulous fun smaller size clothes to can wear. Wow! Peace out. Much love! :)
September 26, 2008
OH MY FUCKING GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At this meeting I lost 2.2 pounds which brings my total to 100 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I fuckin FINALLY did it!!! Oh my gosh!!! I have a MILLION thoughts going on in my head. I'm sooooooooooo flippin excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! WOW! I'm very very very speechless. First of all I want to thank each and every one of y'all for all the support and the love. I am really grateful for y'alls support. Secondly I like to say OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW! Now I'm pretty much just going to ramble! This is the last blog I'm going to write here. I'm going to start a new one for the next 100 pounds. It only seems fitting. :) Now I'm going to another blog to write my thoughts because I don't know if I'm going to run out of room! :)

Sept. 27, 2008
That is lost my 100 pounds!!! WHAT WHAT!!! OH YEAH! I was a babe before but WATCH OUT world...I have arrived! Man if I feel this great after 100 pounds I can't even begin to imagine what I'm going to feel like at my goal weight!! But along this amazing journey I've done alot of growing inside and outside. I was confident-ish before. But now HOLY CRAP!! I am confident beyond belief. I know who I am and I will never ever ever change for anyone. I am a goddess!! :) I love who I am. I know I've had my ups and downs I know I will continue to have through this wild ride but I am a stronger person because of them. I will continue to be a stronger person for each and every step I take. I just feel like I can conquer the world...OH WAIT! I know I can conquer the world. I can take on anything life throws at me. I've lost a model, Mary Kate Olsen, or Nicole Richie! ;) HAHAHA! I'm so funny!!
And the best thing is I did this by myself. I did it without pills, surgery, and starving myself! Cause Lord knows I love food! OMG! :) I have nothing against those things but they weren't for me. I did this and no one can take it away from me. Although I had sooooooooooooooooo much support along the way and I am forever grateful for all the support and love I've recieved from everyone! It honestly means the world to me and I wish there was some way I could pay you back. And I also would like to thank the people that thought I couldn't do it. Or said nasty things along the way. Like I hope you don't gain all that weight back, You really shouldn't wear plaid it makes you look bigger, or When are you going to lose weight. So I would like y'all to put that in your pipe and smoke. Cause baby look at me NOW!!! :)
I've come such a long way in 17 months. I really learned alot about myself and how far I can and can't go. And I can take on the freakin world. :) I have learned that fat free food is actually really good, fast food is the devil, and everything is fine just in moderation. Yeah I can have a cheeseburger just not everyday all day! Yeah I can have some cookies just not for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!! :) So I just want to thank Weight Watchers for giving me my life back.
OH! And my new leader, Jan. Ask me to stand of in front of the meeting and tell about my journey. And then she asked if its been hard! And I was like heck yeah but its been totally worth it and I wouldn't change I thing. Its been the best thign EVER. Then another member said "I wasn't even going to come today, as a matter of fact I didn't even weigh in. But I'm glad I came because I needed to hear that." And you guys have NO idea how that made my day!! At that moment I knew I made the right decisions up until that point. I know this is what I'm going to do. Its cemented in stone. To see the looks in the people's faces and feeling like they got what I was saying. Can we say AWESOME!!! So you are talked to a future Weight Watcher leader! :)
So again thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much for all the love and support and I hope you continue the love and support for the next 100!! Let's go and kick some ass!!! And as I've said before if I can do it...you can do it! And I think we all have will power to do whatever we want...we just have to tap into it! UNLEASH THE WILL POWER!!! :) You can do it!! :)

October 3, 2008
Well the Weight Watcher gods giveth and the Weight Watcher gods taketh! Alas I reached one of my goals and well this week I gained .4 pounds so my total is 99.6 pounds!! AAARRRRGGGHHH!!! And I must admit it was an undeserved gain. Grant it was only .4 but COME ON!!! I just was at my 100 pounds gone. UGH! Yeah I was bummed but it happens and I'm not to worried because it will come off if I have anything to do about it!! :) But I feel bad because the ladies at my meeting yesterday gave me a basket with a whole bunch of WW things. And I'm all like I just gained...dang it!! But what can you do. I'll take a picture of it when I get back to 100 pounds because I refuse to open until then! :) It was just one of those things. I wrote everything down and exercised. But I think I'm still trying to figure out a system with weighing in at noon. Before I was either doing a late evening meeting or morning meeting. But now its in the middle of the day and I'm trying to find that balance. But like I said before it will come off. Believe me! Well I'll see y'all next Friday! Much love! :)
October 10, 2008
Well I lost .2 for a total of 99.8! Now this is just cruel. My body is like you get a loss but you didn't get your 100 again! LMAO! Crazy body! I swear but its all good. I'm getting it back next week. Count on that. I have new pair of walking/running shoes. Forty three bucks at TJ Maxx...score! The brand is Asics. Apparently thats a good brand. They're super comfy. ALSO! I got another foxy dress from New York & Company or Lerner's. Whatever its called now! LMAO! But dang I'm a fox. I've decided that I'm going to wear the black and white dress to church next Sunday. I'm going to get ultra girlie. I'm straightening the hair, jewelry...the whole 9 yards. Of course I'll take pictures of everything. But yeah thats all I got this week. See ya next Friday! :)
October 17, 2008

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear I'm like the best thing since sliced bread! :) I completely made that scale my bitch! LMAO! :) I lost 3.4 pounds! Are you ready for this?!?! For a FABULOUS total of 103.2 pounds. Yeah I'm totally over a hundred pounds and only 96.8 until goal bitches!! LMAO! WOW! I tell you I worked my ass off this week. I wrote every single thing down. The good, bad, and the UGLY! I exercised like a freak. I ran! I earned it this time. I felt like I didn't "earn" it last time. But I tell you the second (and last time) around is just as sweet...if not sweeter! :) Again I'm just pumped. I feel like I can take on the world. I'm extremely proud of myself. I'm speechless. I'm excited. I can not wait to see what the end results are going to be! I'm just pretty much awesome! ;) I'm soooo thankful that I have each and everyone of y'all to support me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Loves!

October 24, 2008
Well I am uber surprised about my weigh in. I lost .6 pounds. Which brings my total to 103.8!! Wooohoooo. Anyways I'm surprised because honestly I was thinking about just skipping weigh in today because I was "adult supervision" at the lock in a church! LMAO...I know right. :) So basically that means I had to stay up and make sure none of the kids had sex. Yeah you have to love middle schoolers! I wanted to kill them. But thats another blog. Anyways so I was hyped up on Red Bull for awhile but that wore off around 1 AM then I hyped myself up with coffee and sugar. Yeah. That wore off. Then all the fatty foods and sweets. UGH! Torture! But then this morning doughnuts were for breakfast. Krispy Creme doughnuts. HOT Krispy Creme doughnuts. And I heart dougnuts. I would marry them. So I ate 3 and had 2 glasses of milk. So I was crap! LMAO! But I was let me sleep and suck it up. So I did and I went and lost .6 pounds! Heck yeah!! I'll take it and run. But I must say I was fairly good during the week but I think there is always room for improvement. :) Well until next Friday. I'm working my 6 days straight so I'll have a routine and structure! Because weekends I'm not working I TRY to keep some sort of routine and structure BUT it doesn't work sometimes...alot of time! Anyways who knew for being such a free spirit I would like routine and structure! :) Loves!

October 31, 2008
HA! So much for routine and structure this past week! HAHAHA! Well I "maintained" because I didn't go to my weigh in! Bad Lydia! I know! But the roommates and I were moving and quite honestly I didn't feel like cooking anything. So I ate out a good bit...didn't track my points. Nothing. Plus money was kind of tight. But yeah I know excuses, excuses. But you better believe I'm 110% back on track! And quite honestly I missed good and filling cooking. I missed writing my points down. I just felt yucky after eating the rubbish I ate. BLAH! Ewwww. Its weird in a good way! But I'm back with full force! I want to have 110 pounds gone by my cousin's wedding middle of this month. So yeah I've still lot 103.8 pounds. :) Loves!

November 7, 2008
Well I gained! I gained 2.8 which I'm fine with. It was for 2 weeks and earlier in the week I stepped on the scale and it said I had gained 10 pounds! So I was like okay, I'll take 2.8 pound gain over 10 pounds any day! And quite honestly I'm tired of counting my points. I'm tired of writing my food down. Why can't I just eat like a "normal" person? Why don't I have much control with my food? Its fucking stupid! I hate it. And don't read this as my quitting because thats bullshit. I just am tired of counting my points and writing my foods down and I'm rebelling. :) It really sucks! Stupid being fat. UGH! Yeah I'm bitching deal. I think losing 101 pounds is AWESOME and they aren't going to come back. I'm just in a weird funk and I'm taking it out on the one thing that I can control or not control. And right now I choose not to control what I do with Weight Watchers. And please do be like Oh Lydia don't do that blah blah blah. Well I did BUT I will not let this stop me. I think Debbie and Jen best described it they are burnt out and so am I. I'm sick and tired of obsessing with my weight and what I want to eat. I can feel myself getting fatter again. I can feel that 100 pounds coming back on and I don't like that...I don't want all that hard work to down the crapper! I just I could eat and not count my points. Even when I don't write my food down I'm contently thinking how many points something is and if its worth the points. So yeah my addiction to food has won the past couple of weeks. Oh well. Thats how I feel right now. I want nothing to do with writing my shit down and exercising and none of that crap. Well until next week with a LOSS!!! Yeah. I just needed to get that off my chest and move on and deal with it! :) Loves!

November 14, 2008
Weight Watchers? What weight watchers? Yeah I didn't go again. Still pissed at the world and not wanting to eat right.

November 21, 2008
Well since I was weighing in for 2 weeks, I manage to lose .4 pounds which brings my total to 101.4 pounds that have peaced out! Well all I can say is Thank you Jesus! LOL! I will take that lose and be happy.
As y'all all know my freak gave me alittle sent back but such is life. Right? If this weight loss journey was easy everyone would be doing it. But its not and I'm not going to be able to eat like a "normal person" and I'm okay with that. I'm always going to have a love hate relationship with food. Consider me lucky! LOL! But as long has I have the tools to combat it...then I'll be fine. Am I done freaking out...yes. Will I freak out again...oh yeah! But it just makes this crazy rollercoaster more entertaining. And since my regular meeting is canceled next Friday...I'm going to be weighing in on Wednesday. Wish me luck. :) Anyways that this weeks blog. Until we meet again...farewell! :) So yeah I'm back and ready to kick so serious ass. I know I've said this stuff before but this time its different...I'm different. I'm ready to grab this bull by the horn and be down with it. Let's roll!

The Improved Me!!! Part One
Current mood:

December 12, 2008
Okay! So I FINALLY went to my Weight Watchers meeting and boy does it feel good to be back!! However I didn't weigh in because the week didn't go according to plan for me. Sooooooo moving on! I took my free pass and kicked my ass to get back on track. The internet journaling thing wasn't working for me and partially I didn't want to do it.
BUT I'm back on track writing things in the NEW and improved journal Weight Watchers put out! YES!! They have an upgraded program! Its called Momentum. It basically a combo of core and flex. They want flex people to start eating more sensibly...which will entail more success! And I love success!! I really like it. I think the new journal is amazing. It has a chart to write out hungry you are or aren't. Which is AWESOME! For me its just alittle reminder that I don't have to eat when I'm not hungry! What a concept!! So far I give the new WW program a thumbs up!
And lastly I've decided yesterday that I will continue from this point forward as a "new" member with Weight Watchers. So this is my week one! OH! And I'd figure since Weight Watchers was shaking things up its about time I should because I've kept it the same for 20 months! Time to change it up! So this is the new blog spot. I'm bound and determine to get to my goal weight. I know I can get there and I will and I'm tired of stagnating. I'm moving forward put the last few months behind and kicking ass. WHAT! What's my name?!? Lydia! Until next week.
Decemeber 19, 2008
So I faced my fear of stepping on the scale. I stepping on the scale and took my 5.4 pound gain with my head held high. I was weighing in for like 4 weeks so it could have been alot worse!! But I realize that I need that accountablility. So I'm giving myself some kudos for stepping on the scale. But the new program seems to be pretty cool. I can't wait to dive more into it and learn all about. Well until next time. I won't have my actual Friday weigh in because of Christmas so I'll weigh Tuesday night. Then I'll be back on track with Fridays starting on Jan 2, 2009.
Decemeber 23, 2008
ALAS! I had another gain. .6 this time. So I don't know. I think when I get to goal I'm going to rock at maintaining!!! :) LOL! Total lost to date 95.4! Thats good but at the same time depressing because I was 103.4!! UGH! But I really need to get my ass in check. I honestly have no clue whats my deal. Why don't I care anymore? Where has my motivation gone? Where has my determination gone? Why can't I seem to regain my focus? Why is the deal, yo!? I just need a good kick in the ASS!! I honestly so much easier with my mom there but now that I'm "doing" it on my own. DAMN! But its just another speed bump in the this crazy journey! Lately there has been alot of speed bumps...mental ones. And it boils down to what am I scared of? Am I scared of actually being successful at something instead of giving up? Because when I get to my goal weight...what am I going to be going for then? I know I'm going to have to maintain and I've done decent with that. But seriously what am I scared? Oh Lord...here comes some blogs! :) Yeah you guys get to do something reading! See y'all Friday with a loss!! I promise that!! :) Love y'all!
January 9, 2009
Well! I think I love my scale and I want to marry it! And its also about damn time I see one of these!! Yes...a LOSS!!! And a damn good one! I guess all that hard word...of course paid off!! :) I lost a total of
9.2 pounds! However I didn't loss that in a week it was over the span of two and half weeks!! But that past week I kicked it up into high gear. Amped of the exercise, watch what I ate hardcore, wrote my shit down, and rocked it out! For the most part of was a model Weight Watcher! LMAO! OMG! I'm so excited. That brings my total to 104.6! DAMN! That is the most I've lost...ever. I know my body is probably going to wig out next week and be like need to keep the fat. And I'm going to be like NO! I just hope my scale isn't lying to me. :o/
Anyways I had a few milestones this week. First and foremost I didn't cave into my emotional eating. I wanted it to...believe me! But I was like I'm stronger than this...I can beat it...I will overcome it. And I did. I was like what is eating going to do to me...but jack me up later. I didn't sabotage myself! OH YEAH! For that I'm stoked! So both ends of the weight loss thing are very plus this week! Sooooooooooooooo needless to say I'm PUMPED! I'm ready for next weigh in. And I think doing it with Elizabeth is going to help out. I like the fact I have the presence of another body there. I missed that with my mom. I hope she is doing well on her journey also! Anyways until next Thursday.
January 16, 2009
Well my body was like hey let's eat bad food this week. And well I did and I will take my gain of 4.2 pounds. I've still lost 100.4 pounds. That's all I really care about...staying above the 100 pound mark. I honestly don't know what happen this week. I know I went over my points 5 out of 7 days. And one day I went over by 47 points!!! Yeah...what the hell, Lydia?!?! Seriously are you nuts? Why can't you get this shit together? What are you scared of? Why can't just do it!?! I'm slightly pissed at myself. I mean seriously...what the hell? Why can I not seem to get my ass in gear? I mean seriously...come on!! Its not like I don't know what to do. With all this I've learned I need some sort of structure and stability. Because when I had a steady schedule at work I was good. But now that my schedule isn't steady at all. I need to learn to use that to my advantage. But as always I will fight through this and get to my goal. I want to be 112 pounds total by Valentine's Day. So I'm ready. I mean I'm really ready. I'm tired of this gain lose crap. I'm going to rock it next week.

Okay so now that everyone is all on the same page here are the new blogs from here on out. I will also be posting random other pages I find about the first 100. So later days! <3 LJ

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