Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Its the final countdown....

This is from the old website. I thought the name was clever make then but then I felt this negative ring to it...so I changed it to my book title. :) But this was the original post. And I'm going to be building on it.

"AGAIN! I've be trying to start WW again and again and again. This must be my bazillion-ith time starting the program. And for some reason I'm not able to grasp it this time around. I know its a mental thing.

Last night for example. I ate a protein bar and a peach for breakfast. Not bad. Then after that it went all down hill. I decided that doughnuts, no just one but 4, were a good options to eat, then lunch I had a club sandwich, then I went to my future sister in laws umpteenth baby shower and downed a small chicken sandwich, 1/2 cup of pasta salad, and 2 cupcakes! UGH! The I decided after all that needed a 4th meal at midnight! So I went to taco bell with my friends. And just gorge myself in greasy high point foods.

And now the day after, as always, I am left with regret and such. I'm like I could have done a heck of alot better! But for some reason I'm not getting past this mental block.

Here is a little background. I've been on WW for 2 and half years on and off. What started this whole thing was my mom being diagnosed with diabetes, and my determination not to get it continued my quest my loss a 100 pounds in the first year and half. Then I went through a nasty break up, a huge move, yucky roommates times 2, unfulfilling jobs times 2, and then a depression. And that was a year ago I was medicated for it. Which I was given paxil and I later found out that put on weight and honestly I didn't really care. Then the medicine wasn't working proper for me mentally. So I took myself off it. Things begin to turn around. During this whole depression I was dating this amazing guy, who got me the help (along with my amazing friends!) Beginning of this year my guy asked me to marry him, I said yes...duh! Then we moved into together. I got a promotion at work. So I have amazing things going...I've always had amazing things but I'm just rediscovering them again after that stint of depression.

So here I sit with most of the weight I loss turned into a gain. 90 pounds to be exact. Its probably all gained back who knows...we'll find out tomorrow. And I'm not sure why I'm not grasping the concept. Okay well I grasp the concept but its not sticking. I have a wedding in June and I want to look and feel sexy in my dress, like every bride does. But most of my days start off good and then it goes down hill. But I hope airing this and getting off my chest and being a part of these boards again will spark something in me and keep me going!

September 19, 2010 I mark the umpteenth plus 1 times of starting WW and it being the final time. I have a wedding dress to get into! :)"

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